Fuck you all, and fuck this. I am tired of fucking being told I am not worthy and that I am nothing. This is bullshit. Nothing I do is right, nothing I say is right and I never do enough. Why do I even bother? Why didn't they just kill me at birth? Then at least people wouldn't have to put up with me and my shit because (fucking happy, Chris, because I am admitting it) I am a A-NUMBER ONE FUCK UP THAT NO ONE LIKES AND (in Chris's words) IS GOING TO BE KILLED ONE DAY WHICH WILL BE GREAT BECAUSE I WILL BE PUT OUT OF MY MISERY. I am the girl who should hold her breath and die because the world would be better off, I am stupid, ugly and immature and no one likes me and you know what? Fine. I really don't fucking care anymore. Why bother caring when all it does it hurt you? Why not just wash my hands to all of this because people fucking hate me anyway, so you know what Chris? Fine, here is my confession sheet since you seem to know me so fucking well.

1) No one likes me and everyone thinks I am immature and stupid.

2) I am SO much more immature and dumber than Chris because apparently 2 fucking weeks of not acting out makes him so much better.

3) My parents apparently don't give a damn about me because they won't lock me away in a hospital for the next twenty something years.

4) I need to be on as much medication as Crazy Rachel because I am as bad as she is.

5) The reason I have no lawyers, judges or millionaires in my family (which apparently Chris does) is because my family is too fucking stupid to have them.

6) My therapist and doctor are quacks who should have their licenses taken away.

7) I might as well just slit my wrists because no one would care if I died anyway.

8) A am apparently a martyr because I hate myself.

9) In Chris's mind being molested apparently doesn't fuck you up at all and is something you should get over in like 2.4 seconds, but because I didn't just go, "Oh, I was sexually abused by someone I trusted, but whatever. Let's go dream about happiness and sunshine," I am a fuck up and immature.

10) I seemingly should not resent my father's verbal abuse and drinking. Um, right.

11) Apparently (see according to Chris) I look like I am half retarded.

12) Apparently (again, see according to Chris) if I was half the person he was I would be extremely lucky.

13) That I'm not good enough for Ramsey and that they would have kicked me out a long time ago, which is not something to worry about because I frankly don't give a damn about Ramsey but that is still so horrible to say.

14) Apparently (seeing according to Chris is becoming a pattern here) my town is the laughing stock of Bergen County and Ramsey beats us at everything because we are such a laughing stock.

15) And in conclusion I am a sad pathetic person who no one will ever love or even care about because I am too stupid and too immature and I look half retarded, so why would they? I might as well die- if I don't get murdered first- because no one would cry of come to my funeral. Hell, they would throw a fucking party and tell everybody that the greatest thing in the world happened- I died!

So, you know what? Fuck it. Why should I bother doing anything at all to better myself if apparently this is what I am and what I will be? I mean, come on. What is the fucking point people? Am I supposed to just waste my time? Oh, no, wait, according to Chris I am too stupid to even know how to waste my time right. So fuck this. I won't be friendly, I won't try to help, won't try to give advice, won't do shit. Just ignore me, point and laugh if you want, I don't fucking care. I'll go about the fucking motions and just get done what I need to get and that's it. Just fucking forget I am even here.


You all fucking hate me anyway so why bother?

What would be the fucking point?

Don't get me wrong, if you want to talk to me or whatever I will still try to help and be there but since you all apparently hate me that won't be happening. All I ask is that you all be fucking honest and tell me what you really think.

Is that so fucking much to ask?